Saturday, March 31, 2012


 This morning dawned bright and early.  We started our morning with a soccer game.  Lu's first outdoor game.  She scored a goal!!  She was pretty excited.  Ethan was a cute little side line rooter!
 After that we headed down to DC to meet Michael and JaNee.  They were in town for Ace's wedding.   R and E stayed behind so E could go to his game.  They won and he played keeper successfully letting none of the opposition's goals in :)

The girls rode the merry go round and we walked through the Smithsonian Castle and the Natural History Museum while we waited for M & J. 
 Before we met up with them Lu took over as staff photog and she took a lot lot lot of pictures.  We have lots of birds, displays through glass...
 close ups of people (JaNee and Mom)...
 half a dozen of her shoe...
 lots of random dogs...
 Papa and Grandma walking (cute)...
and kites kites kites.  She told me she only took pictures of interesting things :)

I had a good 60+ pictures to choose from but only selected a few :)

After our visit we headed home, stopped at TCBY for froyo, the men went to Priesthood, I had a meeting and Grandma stayed home to read stories with Lu, cook with H and chat with E. 

What a fun day!

Friday, March 30, 2012

the visit

Mom and Dad are here! yeah! They arrived on Wednesday after a long over night flight.  I picked them up at the airport and we had a fun drive home.  We stopped at the Apple Basket so mom could buy some crocs, I had never been there and it was really cute.  I will definitely be going back to look around some more.  We also went out to lunch, then I took them home and they went to bed for a little nap before the kids came storming home. 

Everyone was excited to greet them and we had a happy round of hugs and kisses and lots of chatting when everyone got home.

Thursday Dad and I took Millie to Calvert Cliffs for a nice hike.  We did the red trail down to the beach and Millie jumped in every puddle, stream, beaver dam, marshy swamp and beach we came upon.  She chased squirrels and birds and basically had the best doggie time ever.  Dad and I had fun walking and talking too.

When we got back we went to lunch with Mom and then came home and prepared dinner for the missionaries.  Finally we ended the day with a trip to the movies.  Many couples in our ward were going and it was fun to see everyone there.  We saw "hunger games".  I really liked the books and the movie was okay but dark and I hated the cinematography.  It was a shaky disorienting film.  Not my fav.

This morning I was tired (that's what we get for staying out late and playing on a school night) but we took Millie on another walk anyway, went to walmart for our weekly groceries and had a fun day.  Tonight R and E went to see "wrath of the titans" with Pete and Joey, the rest of us stayed home and made popcorn and watched "hop". Both groups liked their movies.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

pi day

Every year at work the engineers celebrate pi day (surprise).  This year they got to pay $$ to throw pies at their bosses faces.  This cute boss got in the pool....

 and several people took the opportunity to throw pie at him.

Monday, March 26, 2012

I'm a loser too...or trying to be

My good and wise friend Alison, who has one of the happiest marriages I know, posted this on her blog.  I loved it so much that I had to post it on mine too.  Marriage is a lot of hard work and it's not work I am particularly good at..but I keep trying and my husband is patient with my efforts.  With one married daughter, who I would wish to be a good example to but who really is a great example to me instead, and with two more daughters old enough to be married and in the "picking" stage of life  I think this timely advice is imperative.  If I couldn't write it and can barely live it the least I can do is to whole heartedly endorse it. 

Marriage Is For Losers

You can be right, or you can be married; take your pick. I can’t remember who told me that, but I do remember that they were only half-joking. The other half, the serious half, is exceedingly important. This is why.
Many therapists aren’t crazy about doing marital therapy. It’s complicated and messy, and it often feels out of control. In the worst case scenario, the therapist has front row seats to a regularly-scheduled prize fight. But I love to do marital therapy. Why? Maybe I enjoy the work because I keep one simple principle in mind: if marriage is going to work, it needs to become a contest to see which spouse is going to lose the most, and it needs to be a race that goes down to the wire.
When it comes to winning and losing, I think there are three kinds of marriages. In the first kind of marriage, both spouses are competing to win, and it’s a duel to the death. Husbands and wives are armed with a vast arsenal, ranging from fists, to words, to silence. These are the marriages that destroy. Spouses destroy each other, and, in the process, they destroy the peace of their children. In fact, the destruction is so complete that research tells us it is better for children to have divorced parents than warring parents. These marriages account for most of the fifty percent of marriages that fail, and then some. The second kind of marriage is ripe with winning and losing, but the roles are set, and the loser is always the same spouse. These are the truly abusive marriages, the ones in which one spouse dominates, the other submits, and in the process, both husband and wife are stripped of their dignity. These are the marriages of addicts and enablers, tyrants and slaves, and they may be the saddest marriages of all.
But there is a third kind of marriage. The third kind of marriage is not perfect, not even close. But a decision has been made, and two people have decided to love each other to the limit, and to sacrifice the most important thing of all—themselves. In these marriages, losing becomes a way of life, a competition to see who can listen to, care for, serve, forgive, and accept the other the most. The marriage becomes a competition to see who can change in ways that are most healing to the other, to see who can give of themselves in ways that most increase the dignity and strength of the other. These marriages form people who can be small and humble and merciful and loving and peaceful.
And they are revolutionary, in the purest sense of the word.
Because we live in a culture in which losing is the enemy (except in Chicago, where Cubs fans have made it a way of life). We wake up to news stories about domestic disputes gone wrong. Really wrong. We go to workplaces where everyone is battling for the boss’s favor and the next promotion, or we stay at home where the battle for the Legos is just as fierce. Nightly, we watch the talking heads on the cable news networks, trying to win the battle of ideas, although sometimes they seem quite willing to settle for winning the battle of decibels. We fight to have the best stuff, in the best name brands, and when we finally look at each other at the end of the day, we fight, because we are trained to do nothing else. And, usually, we have been trained well. In the worst of cases, we grew up fighting for our very survival, both physically and emotionally. But even in the best of situations, we found ourselves trying to win the competition for our parents’ attention and approval, for our peers’ acceptance, and for the validating stamp of a world with one message: win. And, so, cultivating a marriage in which losing is the mutual norm becomes a radically counter-cultural act. To sit in the marital therapy room is to foment a rebellion.

In marriage, losing is letting go of the need to fix everything for your partner, listening to their darkest parts with a heart ache rather than a solution. It’s being even more present in the painful moments than in the good times. It’s finding ways to be humble and open, even when everything in you says that you’re right and they are wrong. It’s doing what is right and good for your spouse, even when big things need to be sacrificed, like a job, or a relationship, or an ego. It is forgiveness, quickly and voluntarily. It is eliminating anything from your life, even the things you love, if they are keeping you from attending, caring, and serving. It is seeking peace by accepting the healthy but crazy-making things about your partner because, you remember, those were the things you fell in love with in the first place. It is knowing that your spouse will never fully understand you, will never truly love you unconditionally—because they are a broken creature, too—and loving them to the end anyway.
Maybe marriage, when it’s lived by two losers in a household culture of mutual surrender, is just the training we need to walk through this world—a world that wants to chew you up and spit you out—without the constant fear of getting the short end of the stick. Maybe we need to be formed in such a way that winning loses its glamour, that we can sacrifice the competition in favor of people. Maybe what we need, really, is to become a bunch of losers in a world that is being a torn apart by the competition to win. If we did that, maybe we’d be able to sleep a little easier at night, look our loved ones in the eyes, forgive and forget, and clap for the people around us.
I think that in a marriage of losers, a synergy happens and all of life can explode into a kind of rebellion that is brighter than the sun. The really good rebellions, the ones that last and make the world a better place, they are like that, aren’t they? They heal, they restore. They are big, and they shine like the sun. And, like the sun, their gravitational pull is almost irresistible.

Sunday, March 25, 2012


Today was a good day.  I got to skype with this cutie.  She just got back from her spring break in Transylvania and she had a "best time ever".  I think this is a picture of her at Dracula's castle.  I also got to have a fun chat with Tate, she has a new special dress and purple shoes for Easter!  And Dani.  They are doing well.  I tried to talk to Sierra but she was busy when I called.  I did talk to her a couple days ago and she was going to volunteer at the MMA tournament this weekend, go to a party at Grandma's and have lunch with Zach.  Sounds like they are all doing well.

We went to the Calvert Ward this morning.  I took the familia with and we all enjoyed it.  When I got my new calling I knew I'd need to travel and Pres. Sakai said to take the fam with from time to time.  R and I both thought this would be an excellent idea.  The kids were all nervous to go.  Last night Hannah was begging me to bring Chelsea.  She was afraid she would be shunned, or that they girls would throw tomatoes at her (she has a flare for drama).  It turned out nothing like that though :)  I really enjoyed visiting and meeting a lot of their girls.  Testimony meeting was powerful and moving.  I am always amazed and awed by the many wonderful strong people out there who are raising great families and doing their best to do the Lord's work.    After while we were driving home the kids all said they had had a good time.  Hannah was welcomed to YW and Sunday school and met some nice girls.  I am excited for her to travel with me and have friends all over the stake, it will be so awesome for her at camp and other activities to have many girls she knows.  Ethan said he made a friend and Lu said her classmates were funny and her teacher was so nice.  They asked how often we had to go to other wards and I wasn't sure where they were going with it so I said I had to go from time to time but they didn't necessarily have to come every time because they could go to our ward with Dad.  They all said "we want to come", E said if all the kids were as nice as  Calverts he would love to meet lots of kids and even Han agreed that it was positive. I had no doubts, but am glad it went well.  That's the beauty of the gospel, where ever you go you automatically have friends.  Interestingly the two big kids both said they thought they got more out of their lessons this week, I wonder if they weren't as distracted since they were new?  E said his teacher was really good and spent a lot more time on the lesson and less time talking and goofing around than his normal class. 

Tonight we had a YCL meeting.  Things are coming along for camp and I am excited for all our good plans.  Today I felt good about my calling.  It's been hard to figure it out, normally I have an idea of what to do in a calling, because I've seen others do it, I've gone to Primary, or YW or RS.  With a stake calling it's more behind the scenes, at least for me it was.  I didn't really know what was expected or how to go about it.  Slowly I have been learning.  I have many patient teachers and mentors.  I am willing to do anything, I just didn't know what that was.  I need to remember that as I train and visit.  People want to know what is expected so they can try and do it. I think most people are willing and wanting to do a good job at whatever their callings are, they just don't always know what a good job looks like.  I still have a lot lot lot to learn and but I am grateful for a good day. 

Now I am home and we are all gathered in the living room watching Frozen Planet waiting for Mythbusters to start.  It's nice to spend time relaxing together.  I love my family. 

This week R took a motorcycle class so he could get his license.  He passed, of course, and now is ready to feel the wind in his hair (under his helmet) and hit the open road.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

busy girl

This little girl was very busy this weekend.  Right after school on Friday we went to Calvert Cliffs so she could certify for camp.  They hiked and built shelters and fires, identified constellations and poisonous plants, cooked outside and practiced first aid.  We got home around 10pm. 

This morning at 7: 15 she left for a volleyball tournament.  They won one game, and had fun on the others :) 

Then she went to Lu's end of season banquet at Nicollettis.  Made two batches of blondies for the YW fundraiser (okay i did most of the work but she helped).  The girls decided to have a bake sale for books to earn money to send to Jenna while she is still in Romania so that she can buy a bunch of books for the orphanage.  They took orders last week and are delivering them tomorrow.   Don't Hannah's look wonderful all wrapped up in a fancy box and wrapped in twine ( these are a few of my favorite things...humm a few bars please : ) )

Lastly this evening we went to the YW broadcast, which was wonderful.  We had an ice cream social before hand.  Pres Monson was wonderful, as were all the General YW leaders.

Now it's almost 11 and we are off to bed.  Whew!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Calvert Cliffs

 We had a half day at school today and R was home because the base was having some kind of security exercise.  The YW had their camp clinic planned so I decided it would be fun for us to join them.  We had to drive Hannah over the bridge anyway so we tagged along :)  It was hot out but we had a really good time. 
 We were there about 5 minutes when E & R took off.  Lu and I hiked with the girls.  We went 5 miles and stopped to do lots of certifying on the way.  Our destination was the beach.  Yeah!
 Lu hopped right in and helped with everything.  Here they are building an emergency shelter.
 We met up with the boys when we hit the beach.  There were lots of great shells and nice sand to play in.
 Me and Big Bubba.
little beach comber

love the toothless grin

After the hike the girls went to the Smith's to make campfire dinners and do some more certifying.  R and I took the little kids to Montereys for some delicious Mexican food then home for showers.  I went back to pick up the girls.  It was a long day but a good one. 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Elms beach

Today was field trip day.  Lu's class went to Elm's Beach, which is always a fun fun trip.  The weather was perfect.  The kids were learning about temperature and animals.  They had to go on a thermometer scavenger hunt and find the 10 hidden thermometers around the facility. Here is a picture of Lucy and John averaging the readings to find the air temp. 
When we got home I had to take little Lucy to the dentist to get two cavities filled :( ouch!  She did great.  After we finally got home for the evening I took her filthy little self up for a bath and did a tick check, found one, got it out and now she's soaking off the dirt and stress of the day.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Hannah's science assingment

She had to creatively present her element.  I think she did :)

practice makes perfect

 Tonight was soccer practice for all.  Lu had her first outdoor soccer.  She has a couple of friends on her team and the coach was really nice so I have high hopes for a fun and successful season.  She liked practicing anyway :) 

 Ethan also had practice (divide and conquer) and then he had cub scouts.  The boys did some outside games, which seemed to be a huge hit.  All the trees around are going crazy with gorgeous blossoms!
Hannah is playing in a stake volleyball tournament on Saturday, she also had practice tonight.  What a blessing it is to have healthy active children.

Monday, March 19, 2012


Ahh, Sunday Sunday. Thank goodness we only have one day of rest a week :)  Our day was a challenge.  Well mostly sacrament meeting was.  Lucy was a wreck.  She cried, complained, carried on, had to be drug out of the chapel, literally, twice, and ended up sitting in the foyer with me.  We put on quite the show...which was very embarrassing.  By the time you are 7 years old you can and should sit nicely for an hour and ten minutes.  She has been a real challenge lately.  She only wants to obey when there is a reward, for example: If you pick up your toys I will take you to the park.  Okay.  Or if you eat your dinner you can have ice cream.  Okay.  But if I just tell her to do something, even if it's something she has been doing all along like buckle up your seat belt in the car, or come help set the table or any number of other examples she refuses.  It is getting tiresome.  I am tired of rewarding, bribing, threatening, punishing...I am missing something, but what???

After sacrament, and after getting our little angel off to class I 'noticed' (since many people told me) that Michelle and I had the same dress on, which was super fun.  She is young and fun  so I felt complemented to have the same taste as she does.  I remember once when I was about 15 going to a stake dance and wearing the same dress as someone, the dress was purple and black large checks with a black belt and the someone was Lorena Michaels, and we were both aghast.  Now not so much.  Funny.

Our day ended well.  The Zawadas came over for dinner and R grilled some yumm-o burgers and we had a fun fun visit.  It was very relaxing.  It was a good friend weekend for us.
Unfortunately R was sick all night.  In the morning he got up and showered and got ready for work, had to run back to the pot (TMI) and got undressed and back in bed.  Poor guy.  A long night with the porcelain throne is no fun.  After sleeping in and me running to get some Imodium he felt better and spent the morning in the yard and then we went to the Front Porch for some delicious salads for lunch.  This will illustrate how off he really was...he forgot his wallet.  Embarrassing, for him not me, I didn't care.  So he had to run back home while I sat on the porch sipping my diet coke and listening to the music playing and enjoying the lovely lovely spring day. 

Saturday, March 17, 2012

St Pattys Day

dancing after dinner

St Patty's day girls :)

Lucy made dessert, cake pops :)   they kind of looked like Horton's who home

We had the Martines' over for dinner tonight.  I made corned beef and green mashed potatoes, Lu made dessert, lime cake balls and lime bundt cake, we also bought green drink and rainbow sherbet. They brought delicious cinnamon bread that Chelsea made, pistachio pie and a green veggie tray.  It was a festive dinner.  We ate on the deck since the weather was so pleasant.  Then I gathered the kids around because I had "found" a note from a leprechaun.  They read the note and were sent on a treasure hunt that lead them around the neighborhood, and finally to our back yard fire pit where they found a pot of gold (or a jar of candy :) )  We sat around and visited, the boys played in the basement, the girls danced and it was a nice  night.  Poor Mike had surgery a few days ago and his hand is still hurting him so that was a bummer for him.  Hopefully he'll be well soon.


last week E's soccer team suffered a very disappointing tie with the Orange Crush.  The game ended 5 to 5.  One of their goals was scored when our goalie let the ball in between his legs (thankfully not Ethan) granny style, another was scored by one of our players in our net :(  (again not Ethan but still painful).  It was awful.

This week our boys came back ready to win it.  Both teams really did.  They played HARD.  It was exciting and action packed.  Our keepers defended that net with all they had, twice Ethan took a flying leap and landed on the ball with no concern for his own safety or that of his teeth.  Once he leaped into the air and caught a ball that was many inches above his grasp.  Our defense was flawless and our offense ruthless.  Sweet.

This game ended 3-0. 

They were satisfied and at the crowd, which was alternating between holding their collective breaths and cheering wildly was very pleased (at least on our bleachers)

Friday, March 16, 2012

blossoms, monuments, desserts

I'm tired.   This has been a long week.  Wednesday night Hannah went bowling with the Beehives, R and E went to soccer and scouts and Lu and I drove out to the Bowie ward's New Beginning.  It was a long drive (an hour and a half one way) but we had a good time and their program was awesome. 
Last night I had a meeting at the stake center.  It went well, I think, but I didn't get home until 11.  Getting used to my new responsibilities is taking some time. 

Today R and I went to the temple.  We got all the kids off to school then we left.  We had a great day together.  There was a cute little old temple worker there that I see quite often, another sister asked her how often she was there and she said she works  5 days a week, she and her husband started together, then he passed and they let her stay.  She has now been working at the temple for 17 years. 
After we went to this cute restaurant called "bread & chocolate", it was delicious and charming. (we may or may not have had 3 desserts :) )  Lastly we drove by the tidal basin to see the blossoms and stopped by the Jefferson memorial (our first visit), we didn't have much time but really wanted to stop so we parked the car (ahem somewhere we may or may not have been permitted to) and ran up as fast as we could, looked around, ran back to the car and rushed home to get the kids from school.  We made it, barely.  The memorial was very nice, I need to get back when we have time.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Today was so springy and nice.  After school, piano lessons, D. I. practice and tons of laundry we went over to Big Larry's for some ice cream cones.  We sat in the square and ate and enjoyed basking in the sun.  We also watched ice cream drip all over Lucy, she was a sticky happy mess.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

reading incentive

 So at the beginning of the year I found this cute incentive chart on pinterest and we had a family home evening and decided to read through the Book of Mormon (same as always :) ) and as we went we would earn little treats.  Well we have been meaning to go skating for a long time, it just hasn't fit into our schedule.  This weekend we had few plans for Saturday and none for Saturday night so we combined skating with "late night" for reading Enos and we were ready to go.  The kids each got to invite a friend.  Lu chose Maggie, Ethan chose Justin and Hannah asked Chelsea.  We had pizza and Hawaiian punch at our house then headed over to Leonard Hall to skate. 
 It was crowded and loud and reminded me of the many fun filled hours I spent at the skating rink as a kid.  I used to love to go roller skating.  Lu and Mags loved it the most and had to be dragged off the floor long after the others had given up.  Ethan and Justin met up with Daniel and they enjoyed skating until their feet started hurting.  Hannah didn't like it at all and quickly made Chels leave :( 
I didn't skate because I don't have skates and I hate the rentals but I enjoyed watching. I saw the usual assortment of skating patrons, lots and lots of tweens, a good number of teenage couples holding hands, 20 something roller derby girls practicing, cool boys, little kids zooming around and moms watching or skating plus a few dads.  It was fun watching Lu, she fell a lot but she also did really well and was skating around after a short time.  I was surprised how well she did.  It was a lot of fun.

After skate time was over we came home for popcorn and movie watching, the kids choose The Smurfs.    Good times.

girl power

This morning the Daisy's had a cookie booth sale.  It was chilly out.  First we went to Ethan's soccer game, they tied.  Then we dropped Lu off and he and I went to McDonalds (his request) for breakfast.  I had the oatmeal, which was tasty.  Ethan had a smoothie, two hash browns and the cinnaminis which he loved.  It was a fun little date :)

Today we also did our weekly shopping trip, did some cleaning up, talked to Val and said "Happy Birthday", skyped Jenna, and petted the dog.

Friday, March 9, 2012

first cavities

It was a busy week, although looking back I am not all together sure what occupied my time so fully.

Sunday we met at the Calvert building, our new presidency and our families, to be set apart.  Before the setting apart Pres. Sakai gave us some words of council.  It was a lovely meeting.  I was happy to meet all the sisters I will be working with and to hear instruction from our stake president.  We have a lot of work ahead of us, work I am excited to do, and anxious about :) 

Monday I took the car in to Mr. Tire and spent the morning waiting for it, then went to the grocery store, then came home to get ready for FHE.  We had invited the Davis' over for dinner/ FHE and we had a really fun time visiting and playing with them.

On Tuesday I painted our music room a cheery yellow, which resulted in an emergency trip to Target to buy different curtains.  The gold and red we had clashed but the new white ones are crisp and bright.  Love it.

Wednesday was scouts and YW, also we had our first presidency meeting which resulted in a sigh of relief for us all.  It's good to know what we are doing and to be about it.  I love the sisters already, they are sweet and wise and we laughed a lot.  What tremendous blessings come from being in the service of our God together.

Thursday was dentist day for the children.  E and H got clean bills of health along with their new toothbrushes and happy teeth stickers.  Lu has two cavities and has to go back next week to fill them :(

Today I subbed kindergarten and it was wild.  But now I am home and it's quiet (R took the kids out for take out so I am alone).  When he gets back we will kiss them all and leave them under Hannah's watchful care while we go out to eat.  Love the Friday night dates with my man.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

divide and conquer

 Saturday dawned bright and early with lots of important things to do.  Lucy had her Daisy scout world thinking day activity.  DH and Bub took her and reported that it went well.  She said she had a good time.  Daisys has been a very fun activity for her and she looks so sweet in her little blue vest.
 Meanwhile I spent the day with Hannah at the D.I. regional competition.  It was amazingly awesome.  I had no idea the scoop of the whole event.  Their team rocked the house and took first place so now it's off to states!!! 
The challenge Hannah's team chose was to write a movie trailer showing how different cultures come together and accept one another differences.  They had to write their own script, make their own set and costumes, make their 'technical spectacular" and have an original soundtrack.  And they could have no adult interference.  They worked for literally 5 months and countless hours and it really came off wonderfully and wowed the audience and the judges!
I was an appraiser and got to watch the world outreach challenge which was inspiring.  The kids had to organize and execute a community service project and then have a performance to showcase it.  They had great ideas and really did a lot of good.

It was a super long day but really a great day too.
Hannah with her medal!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

march march march

Today March came in like a lamb, the sun was warm and I opened windows and breathed in deeply the beginning of spring.

I was supposed to sub today but Lucy was sick.  Actually she wasn't that sick but last night she was sick, had a fever.  R pumped her full of Gatorade, Tylenol and cough medicine and put her to bed early.  I cancelled my job for today then this morning found her certainly under the weather but she probably could have gone to school.  We actually had a very nice day together.  We put together her swaps for world thinking day this Saturday.  I cut out the little sombreros and stuck pins in them then she strung little colorful beads on the pins.  Very cute and fun.  When we finished that we made a cute shirt for her to wear to Dr Suess' birthday celebration at school tomorrow.  We read our library books, headed to the library to restock and then she wanted to go to McDonalds so we had a very posh lunch in the play land there.  Sometimes it's nice to have an unexpected day together.

Last night I went the Capital Ward's New Beginnings.  It was pouring rain and the weather kind of matched my mood, it felt a little gloomy...well not really, but I was apprehensive.  I got a new calling several weeks ago and I am trying to figure it out and I wasn't sure what to do , what to say, how to help.  Anyway, it was very nice.  They had some wonderful talks and my favorite part was at the end each of the YW stood up and said how they were like Jesus.  Each was heartfelt and sweet. They expressed their desires to do good, to be kind, helpful and loving.  They shared their love of art, good music, family and the gospel.  I left uplifted, much more so than I lifted I am sure.  On the way home I got to listen to conference talks from last Oct.  The rain was still pouring down but then it felt like a clean shower washing away the grim of the day.  I am so grateful for the gospel, for the love of the Savior, for my opportunities to serve, to grow, to learn, for the trust (largely undeserved) put in me to be a wife, mother, daughter, servant, leader, etc.