Words

There are many things that bring me joy. The first thing that comes to mind is my children and grandchildren. They are a delight to me.  Especially as the years pass, and the labor intensive long days of having babies and toddlers and active little kids fade to rosy colored nostalgic memories it seems even sweeter. 

Serving in YW is another one. It has been my privilege for a long time, and even though I feel inadequate for the job, and even though I often wish I said or did something different, or remembered something at the right time, I am ever grateful.

This week at camp has been one for those joyful weeks. It was also a very difficult one. 

Our camp was beautiful. It is nestled in the middle of the city, a hidden oasis, right on the lake and shaded by tall beautiful trees. It has a nice pool, soccer fields, basketball courts, canoeing on the lake, hammocks hanging in trees, picnic tables for outside conversation, a nice big air conditioned mess hall, comfy cabins, fire pits & a craft cabin  and all the things you would want in a camp. Including a big wrap around porch with rocking chairs and a cute little chapel.

Many months ago I was working one day and my assignment was to proctor a test. Another sub and I got to talking and after finding out I was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints she asked some follow up questions. She didn’t know that we were Christians, a common misunderstanding. She asked me what that meant in my day to day life (maybe testing me? Was I really Christian?) I told her it changed everything. That I started and ended my day kneeling in prayer. That every morning during the school year I woke up at 5 am to take my high school age son to early morning religion class. That my family reads the scriptures together every day, prays together, and tries to be like the Savior. That we study together for a hour on Sunday’s from the New Testament. That we go to church every week, pay 10% tithing, serve in callings, minister to each other, make and keep sacred covenants, that we intend to keep and strive earnestly to do just that.  She said wow and agreed that it sounded like we were Christians and marveled that her church asks so much less of her. 

This week that conversation played back in my head and I realized that I forgot the most important part of being Christian, of following His example and striving to be His disciple. I forgot that what it mostly means is loving my neighbor, treating others like they are children or God, helping, serving, becoming more like him. The girls were such sweet examples of that to me this week. We had Grace’s good friend Khloe and her dog Magic ( who deserves her whole own post at some point )with us. Khloe has 2 brain tumors. She has many seizures each day, different kinds, and needs her dog with her at all times. The YW were so welcoming to her, so so sweet and fun. They really showed Christlike love. Honestly I really was so impressed with Grace and her selfless service to her friend. She was calm, knowledgeable and attentive and her attitude and response to Khloe set a tone of acceptance and love that all the girls followed. They also loved and looked out for each other. They worked together on all the tasks they were assigned. They helped each other, comforted each other and were so humble and fabulous. They ran to one another to offer a hug, to lift up the sad and to share in the happy. That is what being Christian is all about.

Taking Khloe was a lot more difficult than I expected. It was emotionally challenging to always be so engaged in her. She had many many seizures, sometimes 10-20 in an hour and we were always with her and always a little nervous about that.  We missed some camp activities and left the other girls with other wards leaders. It was hard. I am so grateful that I could do that though. Hard but  is good.

The feelings of my heart were definitely that God knows her and loves her. He loves each of us and comes to us where we are. 

In real life I sometimes don’t want someone too close because I don’t want to offend them if I think I’m too sweaty, snore too loudly, have bad breathe, am uninteresting or unaccomplished.  Or any thing else that plagues my peace.

Jesus Christ doesn’t care about that though. That is not the measure he uses on us. He comes to us where we are. He  walks by our side, always ready to help, teach and testify. 

He kealt down and washed the disciples stinking, dusty feet and did not recoil, he touched lepers and sat with sinners. He sees each of us for who we really are and who we can become.  He loves us in our imperfections. He loves us when we are awful, slow to remember,  ugly, over weight, cruel, overwhelmed, lazy etc. nothing is too much or too ugly or too anything else. He just loves us and comes to us.  What amazing grace.

We had a beautiful moving testimony meeting. We felt the spirit during classes and activities. We felt our prayers answered as we dealt with fighting girls, lots of seizures, bug bites, high temps, grumpy camp chores and our own fears and selfishness. I felt God’s Love. Hopefully I am now different, better. Repentance means change and we change each day as we strive to be more like the Savior. Always more.

So I am grateful for this exhausting, stretching, beautiful week. For the chance to serve, and to see the service of others. 

My heart is full.