and the heart of the children shall turn to the fathers

Malachi 4:6

Great Uncle Francis Thacker passed away this morning.  He was old and it was not unexpected yet each passing is marked with sadness, particularly for those who are left to remember and to miss their departed loved one.
He was a kind and a good man. He was a farmer and loved his land.  We were able to visit a few times over the years and I admired his gentle nature, kind smile and strong hands.  He and Ingrid gave Hannah her first little toy, well the first one she loved anyway.  It was a soft sun that had a pull string to play music.  She loved to hold it and chew on it and to hear it's sweet song.  Funny the things you remember.
Rob has many good memories of that generation in his family.  We will be traveling to the family farm for his service.
I know he is happy, pain free, strong and young again and in the company of the Savior.  We will celebrate his life and find joy in the promise of eternal life in God's kingdom even as we mourn.

Arthur?

Its a rainy week. I don't know if it's

because of hurricane Arthur or just because but the children are suffering. Today after chores and discovering that no friends were free to play they were stuck reading....

And watching me work since my chores are never done:)

Luckily Z is a good companion!

Hannah reports that she LOVES EFY! And is having the best time ever.

summer storm

Grace had some friends over today.  Arden, Ashby, Jackie and Gracie had a fun day.  They played with the gerbils for a long time and then went swimming for a long time.  Fair Arden got burnt despite our sunscreen application.

In the afternoon we were hit with a summer storm.  It poured and there was lots of lightning, it really cooled the air down and was nice. Especially since we already had our pool time.

Since Darlaina is still recovering from baby Alva's birth Michelle needed an assistant for Activity Days.  I was the lucky mom! The girls did a service project.  They cleaned and organized all the toys in the nursery, then Michelle gave them a little lesson about being clean and a fun treat.

Poolside musings

The other day I was at Food Lion and the bagger, apparently a newlywed, was asking the checker, married for 15 years how she didn't "kill her husband" all those years.  The checker replied that taking long walks and deep breathes helped.  Then the bagger went on to complain about how annoying her husband was. I paid my bill, didn't comment, and went on my way.  But the conversation has stayed with me.  I have thought a lot about marriage through the years.  Having what I considered to be a terrible first marriage, and putting the blame squarely on my ex's shoulders for a long time, and then working on a 2nd marriage, which according to studies is even more likely to fail and more difficult than a first gave me some first hand experience.  Studying psychology in college and the gospel in the rest of my life has also given me some perspectives and insights.

The biggest thing I have learned is that nothing is all the other person's fault.  Ever. We each have strengths and weaknesses that make us both good/bad spouses.  Knowing what those are and capitalizing on the strengths and overcoming the weaknesses are essential.

When Rob does something that I find annoying/mean/selfish/whatever I do several things.  First I pray to see him the way the Savior does.  I know he is a son of God and one with many talents and wonderful qualities.  If I am annoyed by some small failing I need to step back and see the real him.  I pray for this often.  For a period of several years I prayed every morning and every night.  This honestly was not because he was so terrible but because my heart needed a lot of softening and a lot of humbling to be refined into one worthy of a help meet.
Then I look around me.  I see books unread and unreturned to the library despite past due dates, piles of laundry, floors that need to be vacuumed, burned dinners, inpatient interactions with the children, too many cookies enjoyed and not enough long walks and that beam in my eye reminds me that his small mote is not so much of a problem.  We are each human and he loves and accepts me like I am, I love and accept him as he is.

There is a notion of each partner giving 50/50.  I think this ends up with a divorce agreement and 50/50 custody of the DVD collection, wedding china and children's time.  Each partner must give 100%.

We need to selflessly follow in the Saviors footsteps, and do each day the things that He asks of us.  Then we will be happy in our marriages as we lose ourselves in service and charity.

A really hard thing to do , that is imperative to a successful relationship is to look at our own flaws and make them strengths.  I am very bad at saying I am sorry.  I am bad at saying much of anything as I have long admired Spock's stoic response to life's problems. I need to learn to share my thoughts and feelings.  To not abdicate my responsibility as a partner. To use words to build and to solve problems.  Rob says while I think I am being nice I am actually being passive-aggresive.  Food for thought.  We need to be willing to see our own scars and warts.  No one likes to but how else can we grow.  Hopefully as we are doing that our spouse is looking at us with so much Christ-like love and acceptance that it acts as a balm to our souls and gives a safe place to become better people.

We need to treat out spouses like they are important. To listen to them and meet their needs. For men there is one need that only a wife can meet. We need to be open and willing to that almost always. I really believe that. Even if at first youd rather sleep or watch tv or do the dishes wives should and must say yes with love and enthusiasm. In the words of Michelle Duggar anyone can make him a sandwich but only you can "know" him and be "one with him". 

Rob has always been so great at insisting on weekly dates. I love that and look forward to it. When the small ones were small I didn't always. It was a pain to get a sitter and I was a worrier. Yet they all survived and they all know that mom and dad go on dates. When they are all grown and gone and the grands live across the country it'll be me and him and we will know each other and like to be together. 

Along a similar vein having shared hobbies is probably good. We don't so much, unless you count watching NCIS or going out to eat but we do support each other's interests. I have watched many a kata being practiced, gone to bike shops and rooted for my dauntless fisherman. It's been fun for me to learn about airplanes and foreign policy and Harley's as I've listened to him and supported his hobbies/work/life.

So that pretty much exhausts my marriage wisdom, so dear posterity if you ever wonder what Mimi thought there you go. And if you didn't feel free to look up the next dessert recipe I post...which is another key to wedded bliss, someone should know how to make wonderful desserts!

Fun lunch

My dear dear friend Marcia is "in town" to baby sit her grandson. Grace and I happily drove to Alexandria to have lunch with them. It was so nice. We chatted and she showed Grace some

yoga moves and we admired charming Kellan. 

All too soon it was time to head home but what a treat it was to

visit!

I talked with Hannah during her free time. She is loving EFY and told me about her classes and what she's learning. Tonight is a dance so we discussed her choices of footwear, the important stuff! Love

my little Muffy and I'm so glad she's having fun and sharing it with me:)

EFY at SVU

How's that for some alphabet soup?  Today Grace and I drove Hannah and Chelsea to Southern Virginia University for Especially For Youth.  They were very excited.  The drive there took 5 hours, thanks to Siri's excellent short cut down sky line drive in the Shenandoah, beautiful but not quick.  We got there in time though and got the girls registered and set up in their room.  They realized they forgot towels...how that happened I do not know since the didn't even pack together but we quickly ran to Family Dollar and bought two towels and some snacks and two chocolate scented pillows for good measure and got back in time for them to start their groups.  I remember when Robin drove Meridith and Dani to EFY in San Antonio and took them out to buy sheets.  We still have our EFY sheets and I think about that every time I make a bed with them.  I hope the girls will remember their time every night that they lay down with their chocolate pillows.  The drive back was a much quicker 4 hours and Grace was a trooper.

Ethan, now 12, got to stay home alone.  He was responsible for the dogs, including Sophie next door that we are dog sitting.

When we got home I got  dinner for Lu and she and R went out fishing.  E and I went out to dinner.  While we were talking I asked about his day and he shared some of the trials of being home alone... like he didn't want to drink tap water and I hadn't left any fanta so he was very thirsty and there was no good lunch meat so all he ate was chips.  He said living room survival was probably harder than scout camp wilderness survival. Silly boy.

Now we are vegging on the couch.  9 hours of driving is a lot!

Milestone

Today we took our boy to the house of The Lord. It was very special. As we walked together I pictured a day, not so far away, when we would go there to prepare him to be a missionary and then later on when he takes a bride and starts his own family. He's a good boy and we feel so blessed to be his parents.